


I'm Okay

by 10cent_city_tie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accidents, F/M, Hallucinations, Mental Instability, Mild Language, Modern AU, rivamika, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10cent_city_tie/pseuds/10cent_city_tie
Summary: The heavy downpour did nothing to ease Levi's rotten mood.  It was a long day and he was short with just about everyone he came in contact with, including his girlfriend Mikasa sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat beside him.  As the light changed from red to green, he was more focused on working out an apology to her.  She deserved the world, after all.  After everything they had gone through, he still couldn’t believe she fell into his life and willingly stayed, but there she was, ethereal even with parted lips in her sleep, right by his side.  No matter how long they would be together, he knew he would never tire of her.  He glanced over and brushed a few stray hairs back, cupping her cheek before turning back to the road.The bright lights and crunch of metal were all he remembered before everything went black.





	

The heavy downpour did nothing to ease Levi’s rotten mood. For the fifth time that evening, he huffed and grumbled at the red light before him, blurred from behind his dirty windshield, and fell back into the driver’s seat of his old Honda that had clearly seen much better days. Ten years and two car crashes later, the old thing was still as faithful to him as it was the day he drove it off the lot. Unfortunately his windshield wipers were another story.

It was a long day and he was short with just about everyone he came in contact with, including his girlfriend sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat beside him. As the light changed from red to green, he was more focused on working out an apology to her. She deserved the world, after all. After everything they had gone through, he still couldn’t believe she fell into his life and willingly stayed, but there she was, ethereal even with parted lips in her sleep, right by his side. No matter how long they would be together, he knew he would never tire of her. 

He glanced over and brushed a few stray hairs back, cupping her cheek before turning back to the road.

The bright lights and crunch of metal were all he remembered before everything went black.

 

“Levi, please see a doctor. This isn’t normal.” Mikasa pleaded, reaching out.

“Why do I need to go see a doctor? I’m perfectly fine!” he argued.

Mikasa frowned. “You aren’t. These visions - hallucinations - are increasing everyday. You wake up screaming in the middle of the night.”

“They’re just nightmares,” he sighed. “They’ll go away.”

The frown on Mikasa’s face remained unchanged.

“I’ll be fine.”

Mikasa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine, you stubborn ass.” She grumbled, admitting defeat, “But if this continues, please see a doctor.”  
Her concerned look was enough to get him to concede and so he promised with a nod, knowing he could never really deny her.

He didn’t tell her about the constant headaches and nausea, but he suspected she knew. The last thing he wanted, though, was to waste money on a doctor whose prescription would likely be, ‘More water and exercise. Limit computer time.’ He just needed time to clear his mind.

 

Over the course of the next two weeks the nightmares became progressively worse, often rendering him unable to sleep for days. His performance at work was suffering more and more. Thankfully, though, his boss allowed him a few extra days off for his own sake. His friends and co-workers recommended he seek professional help. Insisting he was fine and that these were just harmless nightmares, he dismissed them - however grateful he was for their concern.

It wasn’t just his work that was suffering. Levi soon began to feel his relationship with Mikasa was becoming strained and told her that she was free to find someone else. She had to reassure him time and time again that no matter what he was going through, she would stick with him until the end. This settled his nerves. However, she continued pleading with him to seek a professional. Not wanting to give her more reason to leave him, he finally conceded and promised to go see a doctor the next day. Perhaps this was for the best.

 

As opposed to meeting with a stranger, Levi met with Hanji Zoë, a well-respected medical professional with walls upon walls of degrees, certificates, and recognitions from organizations around the world - and, surprisingly enough, one of very few people who knew him like the back of their hand.

They explained that he was suffering trauma from his car accident and prescribed him medication to rid him of his nightmares. He reluctantly accepted the medication, but if it would make Mikasa happy, he was more than willing to try.

 

Immediately after beginning his new medication, Mikasa left Levi to see her brother for what she deemed as an overdue visit, assuring him that she felt confident he could properly look after himself during her absence. She left him with a kiss and walked out the door.

That had been three days ago and Mikasa still hadn’t come home. Hadn’t called, texted, or even sent an email on her whereabouts. Levi called day after day, hoping she would answer, only to be met with voicemail after voicemail. He pushed down that voice in the back of his head, crediting her absence to poor cell phone signal, internet connection, power outages.

The medication was helping significantly, he wanted to tell her. He was glad he listened to her. He missed her. He wanted so desperately to tell her. His nightmares were reduced to dreamless sleeps, gone in a puff of smoke and out the window, but it felt as if his girlfriend went with them. 

On the fourth day, fearing the worst, he had enough and decided to call Eren. Before he could ponder on his worries, Eren answered, confusion lacing his tone.

“Levi? What’s up, man? You hardly ever call anymore,” he commented. That hurt. He should probably call Eren more often. Armin too. After all, they were closest to Mikasa - probably closer than he ever would be. 

“Mikasa isn’t answering her phone. Did she break another one?” Levi asked, trying to sound casual and not at all jealous. "She mentioned she was staying over for a while…“

The line was quiet for several moments, extending into a minute, nearly two. The call probably got cut off. 

"Eren, you still–”

“Levi…” Said man breathed, exasperated.

“I thought you got cut off or something. So about Mikasa–”

“Mikasa’s dead.” 

Levi’s heart leapt into his throat for a moment. This was probably Mikasa and Eren playing a prank on him. These two were always doing this. They almost had him this time.

“Ha, ha, Jäger, very funny. Seriously, where is she?”

The line went quiet again. He was guessing they hadn’t planned this far ahead, or they had anticipated on him believing their little stunt. 

Finally, “Levi, is this some kind of a joke?” 

“What? You and Mikasa are the ones playing the joke. 'She’s dead.’ Really, Jäger? How could–”

“Levi, she’s dead,” Eren near shouted. "She died in that wreck… It’s been over a month! What kind of sick joke is this? Saying she came over… What the hell, man?“ 

Wreck? Hanji mentioned that he was suffering trauma from the accident, but he couldn’t recall a thing from it. Mikes walked out of that with him. Literally walked out.

"What are you saying? She was a bit roughed up, but she didn’t die! She’s fine. She told me she was staying with you for a while–”

“Wait, Levi,” Eren interrupted. "Do… What do you remember from the accident?“

What kind of stupid question was that? Levi snapped, "Nothing.” He clenched his jaw and clamped his eyes shut. Breathe. Calm down. This wasn’t funny anymore. “Just… please tell me where Mikasa is. I miss her.” 

“The accident–”

“I don’t want to talk about the accident. I want to talk to my girlfriend. Please, just give her the phone, and let me talk to her, Eren.” 

“Levi. Just listen for a sec, okay?” Levi sighed and remained silent, trying to calm himself. Eren must have taken that as his cue to continue. "That night, another driver lost control of his car and slammed into the side of yours. He was killed on impact. Your car was completely totalled. Hit the divider and everything… and the side he hit… he…” Eren paused, as if his next words were too painful to get out. “…he hit the passenger side. Mikasa. Levi, he hit Mikasa, and she died on impact.“ 

Levi felt as if he was punched in the chest. He couldn’t breathe. She died that night.

It was as if floodgates had suddenly opened. He remembered everything that happened that night. He remembered seeing a mass speeding toward Mikasa’s side of the car the second before he blacked out. He remembered waking up to the blinding lights and pounding headache. He remembered unbuckling himself and falling into a heap. He remembered seeing the mangled mess on the passenger’s side, not even able to recognize the person he had spent the last four years of his life with. He remembered calling out to her, looking for her face in a jumble of metal and blood.

But she was here. Just a week ago, she was trying to persuade him into seeing a doctor. She was here. He saw her. She told him to see a doctor for his… hallucinations. 

She never called them nightmares like he did. She called them hallucinations. Because she knew. Because secretly… he knew too. 

His phone slipped from his hand, and sobs racked his frame. He buried his face in his hands, clenching his hair shortly after. How could he have been so stupid? To think she survived something like that? That was just wishful thinking. For him, sorrow always seemed to manifest into rage, and in his rage, he picked up his cell phone and hurled it as hard as he could muster against an adjacent wall. The orange pill bottle Hanji prescribed sat on the table, teasing him. He growled and slammed it to the floor, little white pills scattering all over his floor like tiny marbles.

From the corner of his eye, something sparkled from the lamplight on his nightstand. Slowly, he reached out and picked it up, holding the small, silver band tight in his palm as he sobbed quietly.

Perhaps the worst part was his missed chance. 

_“Levi, I’m home.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Not the first RivaMika fic I've written but the first one I've posted. This is actually about a year old fic, originally posted on my friend monidon's tumblr as I was having a bit of trouble posting it to mine.
> 
> I'm 10cent-city on tumblr in case you want to find me for whatever reason.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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